Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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