We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
