I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
