with your own penis?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
