he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
