Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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