They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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