you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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