Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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