Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
