R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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