Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
