those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Someone signed my nipple.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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