Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
