Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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