I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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