I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she told me i tasted like america
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
