then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
