I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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