Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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