I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
