It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
