So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize