This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
