if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
