My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
