You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
