They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
