you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
