put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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