I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
