Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
