Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
