then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
