At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
