If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
