I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
