He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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