Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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