Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
