So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
