Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That's how pantless uber rides happen
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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