in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
