I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
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There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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