I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
