My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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