Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize