You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
