just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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