the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
