Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
