Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
ok first of all what the fuck
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
