it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize