I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
