im six kinds of drunk right now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Less talking, more tequila
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
