My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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