do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
