I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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