her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize