Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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