Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
