"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
