I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
